I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
