I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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