you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
