Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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