well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
