He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
