jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
