She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
