My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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