You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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