oh god the rape fog is back!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
