i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
