Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
