BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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