I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
