You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
