If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
