Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
