she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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