Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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