took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
