Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
