I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
