He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
