i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
