4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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