I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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