My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
