why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
