and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
