i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
