i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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