Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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