there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
