I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
