Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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