I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
