Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
