Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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