im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
