i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
