this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
