I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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