Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
