guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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