Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dignity is for republicans.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
