also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize