He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
