Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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