i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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