Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have to summon your inner elephant
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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