I have demons in me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
