i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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