Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
farters have to be the big spoon...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
