I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
