mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my being single is dangerous.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize