oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
