Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
