well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
