Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize