Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
