ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
