based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
