After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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