the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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