Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
