Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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