you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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