make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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