Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
