Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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