Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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