This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
