Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
