Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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