I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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